Saturday, April 26, 2008
Voice Headquarters raided; articles stolen!
Unfortunately, this month’s Talossan Voice articles have been stolen by radical extremists. Our expert security team is in the process of working to recover them.
Voice shamelessly steals gimmick from hapless defunct paper!!
The Talossan Voice appears to have shamelessly stolen a clever "no articles this month" gimmick from historic Talossan newspaper Støtanneu. This gimmick was used during the editorship of Sir Tomás Gariçéir, from 2002 to 2003. It is unclear why The Voice had to resort to such a gimmick to report the absence of articles, since this is, in fact, another article. Editor-in-Chief Dréu Gavárþic'h had no comment.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Brawndo follow-up: The taste test
In the last issue of The Voice I wrote about Brawndo, the new energy drink inspired by a homonymous fictional product in the movie Idiocracy and brought to reality by Talossan Pete Hottelet. Since that article went to press, I received some sample cans of Brawndo from S:reu Hottelet, so I take pen in hand (okay, keyboard, um, under fingers I guess) once more to report on my findings.
One of the first things you notice about Brawndo (aside from its sweet can, which looks like it came right out of the movie) is its colour – an intimidating toxic-waste-green that looks like it might glow in the dark. (It doesn’t, though. Oh well.) So far, so good!
If you look at the ingredient list on the side of the can, you’ll notice that Brawndo contains three (count ‘em – three!) sweeteners: dextrose (or glucose), sucralose, and acesulfame potassium. The presence of the two artificial sweeteners means that Brawndo is lower in calories than most energy drinks or soft drinks (about a third fewer calories). I was skeptical because I hate the taste of diet sodas, but the taste engineers at Redux Beverages obviously did a good job balancing the ingredients, because Brawndo has very little of the chemical aftertaste I expected from the artificial sweeteners.
Although fairly low in sugar, Brawndo is fairly high in sodium because it has electrolytes, as Brawndo must. Cuz that’s what plants crave, duh.
I have seen the flavour of Brawndo compared to lime Jell-O, which is fairly apt. I happen to like lime Jello-O, so I count that as a plus. In comparison to other energy drinks, Brawndo tastes to me most like Monster (heretofore my favourite energy drink), but less sour. It also bears a passing resemblance to the “Baja Blast” variety of Mountain Dew, which is presently only available at Taco Bell. And Taco Bell is, of course, Talossa’s national cuisine.
Another plus is that while Brawndo has taurine, it does a very good job (unlike, say, Red Bull) of concealing its taste. Taurine may come from ox bile, but that doesn’t mean I want my energy drink to taste like ox bile. Combine that with light carbonation, and you get a very smooth and drinkable beverage, with a considerable energy boost. I would definitely try Brawndo again.
One of the first things you notice about Brawndo (aside from its sweet can, which looks like it came right out of the movie) is its colour – an intimidating toxic-waste-green that looks like it might glow in the dark. (It doesn’t, though. Oh well.) So far, so good!
If you look at the ingredient list on the side of the can, you’ll notice that Brawndo contains three (count ‘em – three!) sweeteners: dextrose (or glucose), sucralose, and acesulfame potassium. The presence of the two artificial sweeteners means that Brawndo is lower in calories than most energy drinks or soft drinks (about a third fewer calories). I was skeptical because I hate the taste of diet sodas, but the taste engineers at Redux Beverages obviously did a good job balancing the ingredients, because Brawndo has very little of the chemical aftertaste I expected from the artificial sweeteners.
Although fairly low in sugar, Brawndo is fairly high in sodium because it has electrolytes, as Brawndo must. Cuz that’s what plants crave, duh.
I have seen the flavour of Brawndo compared to lime Jell-O, which is fairly apt. I happen to like lime Jello-O, so I count that as a plus. In comparison to other energy drinks, Brawndo tastes to me most like Monster (heretofore my favourite energy drink), but less sour. It also bears a passing resemblance to the “Baja Blast” variety of Mountain Dew, which is presently only available at Taco Bell. And Taco Bell is, of course, Talossa’s national cuisine.
Another plus is that while Brawndo has taurine, it does a very good job (unlike, say, Red Bull) of concealing its taste. Taurine may come from ox bile, but that doesn’t mean I want my energy drink to taste like ox bile. Combine that with light carbonation, and you get a very smooth and drinkable beverage, with a considerable energy boost. I would definitely try Brawndo again.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Letters to the Editor
Once upon a time, in the early days of photography, photographers would often find that there was inadequate light around their subjects for them to effectively expose their pictures. Instead, they got dim and smeary scenes, murky with darkness. This is still a problem today in many instances, and so almost all consumer cameras have integrated flash units. But in the nineteenth century, photographers had no such fancy devices, and so they had to resort to chemicals. They would mix two parts ground magnesium with three parts saltpetre carefully, place it in an elevated pan, and ignite it with a sparker. It would flash up in an instant, burning hot and bright, and lighting up a dim scene to be captured on photographic plates. This was their only substitute for the powerful and continuous light of the sun.
It is from this process that we get the phrase "flash in a pan." It indicates a powerful but exceedingly brief effort or action... the kind of effort that can light up a room for a moment, but fades back into smeary darkness in short order.
Too often, we get Talossans who are flashes in the pan.
The problem has been called many things: "30-day citizens," "temporary Talossans," and so on. But it all describes the same phenomenon - enthusiastic new citizens who apply for citizenship, put forth a burst of effort and activity, before fading away when they take up interest in something new.
And I think we all know why.
Many people immigrate because they feel it would be fun to pass laws, run a government, or get a title of rank. And to be sure, those things are fun. It is thrilling to author a new law which fixes a problem you can see in the country, convincing your peers to support it, and seeing it take effect. It is amazing to be appointed or elected to a position and do your best to fulfill your duty, enacting policies and doing the real work of government. It is inspiring to receive or witness someone receive a title of nobility, honouring long and hard efforts within your beloved country with an appropriate recognition. But that thrill, amazement, and inspiration can quickly fade when one sees that other people are there for the same reasons, and expect you to actually live up to your legislation, office, or title. And when that occurs, the bright flash fades, and we are left in night.
In essence, it comes down to that eternal line the nation walks, treading it with fear and care: country or club?
A club is something where everyone gets to participate as much as they would like, that gives out titles and awards for the fun of it, and can be quit when it ceases to be amusing. It doesn't matter much beyond amusement, and it never will.
A club is a flash in a pan, a series of staccato bright lights. It is loud and then dies.
A country stands for certain ideals and its citizens, building a better future through consistent effort and competition. Policies are enacted not because it's fun to change them, but because they represent a better version that will help the country...
A country is the sun.
One of the greatest issues of our time in Talossa is how to stop flashes in the pan, and bring in the sunlight. How do we ensure and emphasize the immigration of those who will open the windows, rather than those who spark and fade? What must be done to make sure that new citizens recognize that they are in a country, and not a club?
As a legislator and minister, I have tried to do my part. Please, consider what you can do for your part. Keep Talossa in the sun.
-The Right Honourable Alexander Davis
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Your newspaper sucks, everytime I read it I want to vomit.
-Alexandreu Gavártgic’h
It is from this process that we get the phrase "flash in a pan." It indicates a powerful but exceedingly brief effort or action... the kind of effort that can light up a room for a moment, but fades back into smeary darkness in short order.
Too often, we get Talossans who are flashes in the pan.
The problem has been called many things: "30-day citizens," "temporary Talossans," and so on. But it all describes the same phenomenon - enthusiastic new citizens who apply for citizenship, put forth a burst of effort and activity, before fading away when they take up interest in something new.
And I think we all know why.
Many people immigrate because they feel it would be fun to pass laws, run a government, or get a title of rank. And to be sure, those things are fun. It is thrilling to author a new law which fixes a problem you can see in the country, convincing your peers to support it, and seeing it take effect. It is amazing to be appointed or elected to a position and do your best to fulfill your duty, enacting policies and doing the real work of government. It is inspiring to receive or witness someone receive a title of nobility, honouring long and hard efforts within your beloved country with an appropriate recognition. But that thrill, amazement, and inspiration can quickly fade when one sees that other people are there for the same reasons, and expect you to actually live up to your legislation, office, or title. And when that occurs, the bright flash fades, and we are left in night.
In essence, it comes down to that eternal line the nation walks, treading it with fear and care: country or club?
A club is something where everyone gets to participate as much as they would like, that gives out titles and awards for the fun of it, and can be quit when it ceases to be amusing. It doesn't matter much beyond amusement, and it never will.
A club is a flash in a pan, a series of staccato bright lights. It is loud and then dies.
A country stands for certain ideals and its citizens, building a better future through consistent effort and competition. Policies are enacted not because it's fun to change them, but because they represent a better version that will help the country...
A country is the sun.
One of the greatest issues of our time in Talossa is how to stop flashes in the pan, and bring in the sunlight. How do we ensure and emphasize the immigration of those who will open the windows, rather than those who spark and fade? What must be done to make sure that new citizens recognize that they are in a country, and not a club?
As a legislator and minister, I have tried to do my part. Please, consider what you can do for your part. Keep Talossa in the sun.
-The Right Honourable Alexander Davis
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Your newspaper sucks, everytime I read it I want to vomit.
-Alexandreu Gavártgic’h
Squirrels Gathering Nuts:
Preparing for a session of courses at the University of Talossa
By Aspra Rosetta Laira
Twelve. The number of dialing keys in any standard digital telephone, the number of signs in the Zodiac, the number of months in most calendar systems, the number of Apostles who followed Jesus, the atomic number of magnesium. The number of citizens who participated in the poll about l’Üniversità Talossan.
As the new chancellor for the University of Talossa and a college instructor, 12 is my favorite number of students to teach. I group them into two, three or four or six groups. A lot of enlightening discussion can come from 12 students. I’m happy that we had that many responses to the l’Üniversità Talossan Interest Poll, a thread within the University of Talossa forum.
The results show that 25% would like to see Talossan language lessons offered, 8.3% would like a class about Talossan politics, 8.3% are for courses in history -- Talossan and otherwise, and an astounding 58.3% would like to see language, politics, literature, and history offered.
“While I believe all should be of equal priority for the University, and all fields would be equally valuable,” said Éovart Caçeir, “I believe Glheþ language lessons should be a majour part of the University's curriculum, as the Talossan language is a most important staple in Talossan culture.”
Owen Edwards wrote, “I think short primers in other subjects - non-specific to Talossa - would be a positive way of broadening the curriculum.”
Dean of Student Affairs, Flip Molinar wants to promote knowledge in a non-threatening environment where teachers “try not to let our world views influence our teaching.”
A lot of work has gone on behind the scenes, and we hope to offer classes by April 1st (no foolin’) if not earlier. The classes will take place within sub-threads of the university forum. Instructors will post the syllabi and give interested citizens a reasonable time-period to enroll (which would be done by simply posting to the class that you want to join).
King John has been selected to teach a six-month course covering hardboiled American Crime Fiction, “Dicks and Dames.” Alexander Davis, who has specialized in Hemmingway, will teach an eight-week course on the subject. Matáiwos Vürinalt of the CÚG has offered his assistance in coordinating with other CÚG members to get a language course going.
I look forward to being a part of the university with the best seal, thanks to S:reu X. Pol Briga, my predessor. Interestingly, if you add the number of sides on the three inner shapes, you get . . . the number 12.
Provincial Constitutions Unshackled
by Roibeard Cresti Laira
The provincial boards on Witt have been abuzz ever since the ratification in the last election of the provincial unshackling amendment to the Talossan organic law. The amendment repealed several requirements imposed on the structure of provincial governments allowing the citizens of each province to decide for themselves.
The province of Cézembre has called a constitutional convention that convened on Groundhog Day, and is scheduled to complete its business by the Ides of March. And it's well that they have since there is currently confusion in their parliament as to the exact procedure for commencing the vote for their premiership.
In the province of Florencia, a landslide victory for the RUMP party led to the election of Lord Hooligan as governor by a quorum of himself. After his inauguration he appointed a constitutional commission to study the Florencian constitution and recommend changes.
In Maricopa, Sir Cresti Siervicul is drafting a draft constitution for discussion, while there was even more procedural confusion as Xhorxh Asmour called for nominations for the premiership according to article XVII.9d of the organic law, which was repealed by the unshackling amendment.
Maritiimi-Maxhestic and Mussolini are furthest along in defining their new constitutions. M-M assigns the lions share of power to their legislative branch. The shocker from Mussolini is a proposed name change for the province to "Benito" to honor Talossa's founder, Little Ben. It remains tobe seen if renaming a province will require approval at the national level as well.
Vuode seems to have taken the most authentic route to a new constitution when John McGarry, their Cunstaval and acting military governor, delegated power to call the convention to the general assembly who promptly elected Sir Trotxa Betingeir Premier of their constitutional convention.
Ataturk seems to be the only province without an active constitutional convention or commission. All eyes will be on the Ataturk board as the political life of Talossa heats up.
The provincial boards on Witt have been abuzz ever since the ratification in the last election of the provincial unshackling amendment to the Talossan organic law. The amendment repealed several requirements imposed on the structure of provincial governments allowing the citizens of each province to decide for themselves.
The province of Cézembre has called a constitutional convention that convened on Groundhog Day, and is scheduled to complete its business by the Ides of March. And it's well that they have since there is currently confusion in their parliament as to the exact procedure for commencing the vote for their premiership.
In the province of Florencia, a landslide victory for the RUMP party led to the election of Lord Hooligan as governor by a quorum of himself. After his inauguration he appointed a constitutional commission to study the Florencian constitution and recommend changes.
In Maricopa, Sir Cresti Siervicul is drafting a draft constitution for discussion, while there was even more procedural confusion as Xhorxh Asmour called for nominations for the premiership according to article XVII.9d of the organic law, which was repealed by the unshackling amendment.
Maritiimi-Maxhestic and Mussolini are furthest along in defining their new constitutions. M-M assigns the lions share of power to their legislative branch. The shocker from Mussolini is a proposed name change for the province to "Benito" to honor Talossa's founder, Little Ben. It remains tobe seen if renaming a province will require approval at the national level as well.
Vuode seems to have taken the most authentic route to a new constitution when John McGarry, their Cunstaval and acting military governor, delegated power to call the convention to the general assembly who promptly elected Sir Trotxa Betingeir Premier of their constitutional convention.
Ataturk seems to be the only province without an active constitutional convention or commission. All eyes will be on the Ataturk board as the political life of Talossa heats up.
Going Ventrutxing, An Interview with Ieremiac'h Ventrutx
By Alexandreu Gavártgic'h
Alexandreu Gavártgic’h: What is your name and where do you hail from?
Ieremiac'h Ventrutx: Ieremiac'h Ventrutx I have no clue what it means, it was bestowed to me so long ago I conveniently forgot it almost immediately. I was reminded by another fine publication in the Talossan world just a short time back.
AG: What is your favorite colour?
Ieremiac'h Ventrutx: Red and Green of course! The colors of Talossa course through my veins. Black is still my all time favorite, followed by puke green and poop brown.
AG: What is the magic word?
IV: For all the free thinkers out there, Jesus. J For the rest of us “family”
AG: How did you first find out about Talossa?
IV: back a long time ago I was recruited by Nathan Freeburg and Mathias Muth. I was active in some online political bulletin boards and discussion groups and had some interest in politics, it was a natural fit
AG: What attracted you to Talossa?
IV: Nation Building. Of all the things that brought me to Talossa was the idea of building our own community both physical and ethereal connections.
AG: We understand that you were originally rejected as a Talossan citizen, how'd that happen?
IV: Well it was all about Ben right? I was brought into Talossa, bought my books, wrote my essay, even attended a Live Cosa and still Ben was afraid of me. I don’t know why but he was sure once I joined Talossa a “horde of young republican’s” would soon follow. After my initial treatment by the King my friends would have nothing to do with Talossa.
AG: How did you finally become a citizen?
IV: Persistence is the key. I kept showing up and doing things with real live Talossans Ben had to admit I wasn’t that bad of a guy. I still didin’t get his vote, but I had the votes of his closest “friends” and even some of his traditional pocket votes so there was little he could do but accept me and make my life within Talossa as hard as possible.
AG: Have you ever met Ben? If so, what was your initial feeling about his personality?
IV: Do you really want to go there eh? Ben has two distinct personalities. The main Talossan Ben was classic ENTP (Extraverted intuitive Thinking Perceiving) and an incredible man (at least that is how idescribed him back in intro to psychology in college). It was the other side of Ben that got the best of him and drove his creation from his grasp. That side of Ben I only got to meet in person one time. It was not something that I look back at with fond memories. In all honesty Ben needed to be on medication, he was quite the character.
AG: How did the ZPT and L'Avîntguard come around?
IV: Well everyone was so sure I was a Right winged republican it drove me to the dark side. The ZPT was the Defenders of Talossa and I ended up there because the basic premise was that Talossa needed to be defended even from herself. With all the pocket Votes of the PC or whatever party Ben dreamed up there had to be some resistance. So the ZPT was where I found a home. L’Avantguard started as a collaborated effort of dedicated Talossans and degraded to a point where I was the only one posting news and cartoons anymore. I do believe Talossa needs an active independent media to keep people advised of what is happening in the Kingdom.
AG: What was the catalyst that caused you to leave the Kingdom? (e.x. The Halloween Crisis)
IV: I had left the Kingdom in spirit long before the actual anti-Ben movement/Republic happened. Ben attacked so long and so hard I was as close as possible to being a pocket vote for the opposition. When enough people got fed up I began working behind the scenes to help form the Republic. The websites, domains etc were all built in preparation for a grasp at removing the King. For me the primary catalyst was Ben.
AG: What was the major factor in your return?
IV: I see only one Talossa and that Talossa is a Kingdom. I left a kingdom full of friends and ended up losing some of that friendship in the process of trying another version of nation building. Still I am a Talossan. The final trigger was in my discussions with a couple of those in the Republic. The idea of One Talossa is great but it wasn’t going to happen from the republic side, there are just not enough people. The only way I could see it happening was to join back to the Kingdom and initiate change from within.
AG: Our sources tell us that your return may actually put-off reunification for another few years, what's your reaction to this accusation?
IV: I am not a set back, I am merely the convenient excuse that some are using for their fear of acting in the best interest of Talossa. I am all for unification of Talossa but I honestly don’t see that happening from the Republic side. They could and may shock me on that. I see more active online folks wanting to be a part of the original Talossa w/o Ben and returning to the Kingdom as the main path of reunification. I think that if the Kingdom –IF THE KINGDOM- wants to promote the repatriation of Talossan citizens, the laws need to be changed to allow them to come home w/o penalty and w/o a great deal of trouble in their citizenship.
AG: What are your plans for the Kingdom in the next few years (are we going to see the ZPT revived)?
IV: Well I want to limit the king even more, whatever it takes to make the role of royalty a mere formality and not a political force is me first goal. Along those lines I want to help the Kingdom get a new website and online support structure, recruiting tools and promotion for the Kingdom. As for the ZPT, I joined a little late for registering and voting for my own party, I will work with others to the next election cycle we will have to see how that works out. Would I love to see it reform and change the landscape of Talossan politics, absolutely.
For the Cort’s Ruling on S:reu Ventrutx’s Talossan Citizenship Click Here
For S:reu Ventrutx’s “Why Talossa Didn’t Mean That Much To Me” Essay Click Here
Alexandreu Gavártgic’h: What is your name and where do you hail from?
Ieremiac'h Ventrutx: Ieremiac'h Ventrutx I have no clue what it means, it was bestowed to me so long ago I conveniently forgot it almost immediately. I was reminded by another fine publication in the Talossan world just a short time back.
AG: What is your favorite colour?
Ieremiac'h Ventrutx: Red and Green of course! The colors of Talossa course through my veins. Black is still my all time favorite, followed by puke green and poop brown.
AG: What is the magic word?
IV: For all the free thinkers out there, Jesus. J For the rest of us “family”
AG: How did you first find out about Talossa?
IV: back a long time ago I was recruited by Nathan Freeburg and Mathias Muth. I was active in some online political bulletin boards and discussion groups and had some interest in politics, it was a natural fit
AG: What attracted you to Talossa?
IV: Nation Building. Of all the things that brought me to Talossa was the idea of building our own community both physical and ethereal connections.
AG: We understand that you were originally rejected as a Talossan citizen, how'd that happen?
IV: Well it was all about Ben right? I was brought into Talossa, bought my books, wrote my essay, even attended a Live Cosa and still Ben was afraid of me. I don’t know why but he was sure once I joined Talossa a “horde of young republican’s” would soon follow. After my initial treatment by the King my friends would have nothing to do with Talossa.
AG: How did you finally become a citizen?
IV: Persistence is the key. I kept showing up and doing things with real live Talossans Ben had to admit I wasn’t that bad of a guy. I still didin’t get his vote, but I had the votes of his closest “friends” and even some of his traditional pocket votes so there was little he could do but accept me and make my life within Talossa as hard as possible.
AG: Have you ever met Ben? If so, what was your initial feeling about his personality?
IV: Do you really want to go there eh? Ben has two distinct personalities. The main Talossan Ben was classic ENTP (Extraverted intuitive Thinking Perceiving) and an incredible man (at least that is how idescribed him back in intro to psychology in college). It was the other side of Ben that got the best of him and drove his creation from his grasp. That side of Ben I only got to meet in person one time. It was not something that I look back at with fond memories. In all honesty Ben needed to be on medication, he was quite the character.
AG: How did the ZPT and L'Avîntguard come around?
IV: Well everyone was so sure I was a Right winged republican it drove me to the dark side. The ZPT was the Defenders of Talossa and I ended up there because the basic premise was that Talossa needed to be defended even from herself. With all the pocket Votes of the PC or whatever party Ben dreamed up there had to be some resistance. So the ZPT was where I found a home. L’Avantguard started as a collaborated effort of dedicated Talossans and degraded to a point where I was the only one posting news and cartoons anymore. I do believe Talossa needs an active independent media to keep people advised of what is happening in the Kingdom.
AG: What was the catalyst that caused you to leave the Kingdom? (e.x. The Halloween Crisis)
IV: I had left the Kingdom in spirit long before the actual anti-Ben movement/Republic happened. Ben attacked so long and so hard I was as close as possible to being a pocket vote for the opposition. When enough people got fed up I began working behind the scenes to help form the Republic. The websites, domains etc were all built in preparation for a grasp at removing the King. For me the primary catalyst was Ben.
AG: What was the major factor in your return?
IV: I see only one Talossa and that Talossa is a Kingdom. I left a kingdom full of friends and ended up losing some of that friendship in the process of trying another version of nation building. Still I am a Talossan. The final trigger was in my discussions with a couple of those in the Republic. The idea of One Talossa is great but it wasn’t going to happen from the republic side, there are just not enough people. The only way I could see it happening was to join back to the Kingdom and initiate change from within.
AG: Our sources tell us that your return may actually put-off reunification for another few years, what's your reaction to this accusation?
IV: I am not a set back, I am merely the convenient excuse that some are using for their fear of acting in the best interest of Talossa. I am all for unification of Talossa but I honestly don’t see that happening from the Republic side. They could and may shock me on that. I see more active online folks wanting to be a part of the original Talossa w/o Ben and returning to the Kingdom as the main path of reunification. I think that if the Kingdom –IF THE KINGDOM- wants to promote the repatriation of Talossan citizens, the laws need to be changed to allow them to come home w/o penalty and w/o a great deal of trouble in their citizenship.
AG: What are your plans for the Kingdom in the next few years (are we going to see the ZPT revived)?
IV: Well I want to limit the king even more, whatever it takes to make the role of royalty a mere formality and not a political force is me first goal. Along those lines I want to help the Kingdom get a new website and online support structure, recruiting tools and promotion for the Kingdom. As for the ZPT, I joined a little late for registering and voting for my own party, I will work with others to the next election cycle we will have to see how that works out. Would I love to see it reform and change the landscape of Talossan politics, absolutely.
For the Cort’s Ruling on S:reu Ventrutx’s Talossan Citizenship Click Here
For S:reu Ventrutx’s “Why Talossa Didn’t Mean That Much To Me” Essay Click Here
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