Saturday, April 26, 2008
Voice Headquarters raided; articles stolen!
Unfortunately, this month’s Talossan Voice articles have been stolen by radical extremists. Our expert security team is in the process of working to recover them.
Voice shamelessly steals gimmick from hapless defunct paper!!
The Talossan Voice appears to have shamelessly stolen a clever "no articles this month" gimmick from historic Talossan newspaper Støtanneu. This gimmick was used during the editorship of Sir Tomás Gariçéir, from 2002 to 2003. It is unclear why The Voice had to resort to such a gimmick to report the absence of articles, since this is, in fact, another article. Editor-in-Chief Dréu Gavárþic'h had no comment.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Brawndo follow-up: The taste test
In the last issue of The Voice I wrote about Brawndo, the new energy drink inspired by a homonymous fictional product in the movie Idiocracy and brought to reality by Talossan Pete Hottelet. Since that article went to press, I received some sample cans of Brawndo from S:reu Hottelet, so I take pen in hand (okay, keyboard, um, under fingers I guess) once more to report on my findings.
One of the first things you notice about Brawndo (aside from its sweet can, which looks like it came right out of the movie) is its colour – an intimidating toxic-waste-green that looks like it might glow in the dark. (It doesn’t, though. Oh well.) So far, so good!
If you look at the ingredient list on the side of the can, you’ll notice that Brawndo contains three (count ‘em – three!) sweeteners: dextrose (or glucose), sucralose, and acesulfame potassium. The presence of the two artificial sweeteners means that Brawndo is lower in calories than most energy drinks or soft drinks (about a third fewer calories). I was skeptical because I hate the taste of diet sodas, but the taste engineers at Redux Beverages obviously did a good job balancing the ingredients, because Brawndo has very little of the chemical aftertaste I expected from the artificial sweeteners.
Although fairly low in sugar, Brawndo is fairly high in sodium because it has electrolytes, as Brawndo must. Cuz that’s what plants crave, duh.
I have seen the flavour of Brawndo compared to lime Jell-O, which is fairly apt. I happen to like lime Jello-O, so I count that as a plus. In comparison to other energy drinks, Brawndo tastes to me most like Monster (heretofore my favourite energy drink), but less sour. It also bears a passing resemblance to the “Baja Blast” variety of Mountain Dew, which is presently only available at Taco Bell. And Taco Bell is, of course, Talossa’s national cuisine.
Another plus is that while Brawndo has taurine, it does a very good job (unlike, say, Red Bull) of concealing its taste. Taurine may come from ox bile, but that doesn’t mean I want my energy drink to taste like ox bile. Combine that with light carbonation, and you get a very smooth and drinkable beverage, with a considerable energy boost. I would definitely try Brawndo again.
One of the first things you notice about Brawndo (aside from its sweet can, which looks like it came right out of the movie) is its colour – an intimidating toxic-waste-green that looks like it might glow in the dark. (It doesn’t, though. Oh well.) So far, so good!
If you look at the ingredient list on the side of the can, you’ll notice that Brawndo contains three (count ‘em – three!) sweeteners: dextrose (or glucose), sucralose, and acesulfame potassium. The presence of the two artificial sweeteners means that Brawndo is lower in calories than most energy drinks or soft drinks (about a third fewer calories). I was skeptical because I hate the taste of diet sodas, but the taste engineers at Redux Beverages obviously did a good job balancing the ingredients, because Brawndo has very little of the chemical aftertaste I expected from the artificial sweeteners.
Although fairly low in sugar, Brawndo is fairly high in sodium because it has electrolytes, as Brawndo must. Cuz that’s what plants crave, duh.
I have seen the flavour of Brawndo compared to lime Jell-O, which is fairly apt. I happen to like lime Jello-O, so I count that as a plus. In comparison to other energy drinks, Brawndo tastes to me most like Monster (heretofore my favourite energy drink), but less sour. It also bears a passing resemblance to the “Baja Blast” variety of Mountain Dew, which is presently only available at Taco Bell. And Taco Bell is, of course, Talossa’s national cuisine.
Another plus is that while Brawndo has taurine, it does a very good job (unlike, say, Red Bull) of concealing its taste. Taurine may come from ox bile, but that doesn’t mean I want my energy drink to taste like ox bile. Combine that with light carbonation, and you get a very smooth and drinkable beverage, with a considerable energy boost. I would definitely try Brawndo again.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Letters to the Editor
Once upon a time, in the early days of photography, photographers would often find that there was inadequate light around their subjects for them to effectively expose their pictures. Instead, they got dim and smeary scenes, murky with darkness. This is still a problem today in many instances, and so almost all consumer cameras have integrated flash units. But in the nineteenth century, photographers had no such fancy devices, and so they had to resort to chemicals. They would mix two parts ground magnesium with three parts saltpetre carefully, place it in an elevated pan, and ignite it with a sparker. It would flash up in an instant, burning hot and bright, and lighting up a dim scene to be captured on photographic plates. This was their only substitute for the powerful and continuous light of the sun.
It is from this process that we get the phrase "flash in a pan." It indicates a powerful but exceedingly brief effort or action... the kind of effort that can light up a room for a moment, but fades back into smeary darkness in short order.
Too often, we get Talossans who are flashes in the pan.
The problem has been called many things: "30-day citizens," "temporary Talossans," and so on. But it all describes the same phenomenon - enthusiastic new citizens who apply for citizenship, put forth a burst of effort and activity, before fading away when they take up interest in something new.
And I think we all know why.
Many people immigrate because they feel it would be fun to pass laws, run a government, or get a title of rank. And to be sure, those things are fun. It is thrilling to author a new law which fixes a problem you can see in the country, convincing your peers to support it, and seeing it take effect. It is amazing to be appointed or elected to a position and do your best to fulfill your duty, enacting policies and doing the real work of government. It is inspiring to receive or witness someone receive a title of nobility, honouring long and hard efforts within your beloved country with an appropriate recognition. But that thrill, amazement, and inspiration can quickly fade when one sees that other people are there for the same reasons, and expect you to actually live up to your legislation, office, or title. And when that occurs, the bright flash fades, and we are left in night.
In essence, it comes down to that eternal line the nation walks, treading it with fear and care: country or club?
A club is something where everyone gets to participate as much as they would like, that gives out titles and awards for the fun of it, and can be quit when it ceases to be amusing. It doesn't matter much beyond amusement, and it never will.
A club is a flash in a pan, a series of staccato bright lights. It is loud and then dies.
A country stands for certain ideals and its citizens, building a better future through consistent effort and competition. Policies are enacted not because it's fun to change them, but because they represent a better version that will help the country...
A country is the sun.
One of the greatest issues of our time in Talossa is how to stop flashes in the pan, and bring in the sunlight. How do we ensure and emphasize the immigration of those who will open the windows, rather than those who spark and fade? What must be done to make sure that new citizens recognize that they are in a country, and not a club?
As a legislator and minister, I have tried to do my part. Please, consider what you can do for your part. Keep Talossa in the sun.
-The Right Honourable Alexander Davis
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Your newspaper sucks, everytime I read it I want to vomit.
-Alexandreu Gavártgic’h
It is from this process that we get the phrase "flash in a pan." It indicates a powerful but exceedingly brief effort or action... the kind of effort that can light up a room for a moment, but fades back into smeary darkness in short order.
Too often, we get Talossans who are flashes in the pan.
The problem has been called many things: "30-day citizens," "temporary Talossans," and so on. But it all describes the same phenomenon - enthusiastic new citizens who apply for citizenship, put forth a burst of effort and activity, before fading away when they take up interest in something new.
And I think we all know why.
Many people immigrate because they feel it would be fun to pass laws, run a government, or get a title of rank. And to be sure, those things are fun. It is thrilling to author a new law which fixes a problem you can see in the country, convincing your peers to support it, and seeing it take effect. It is amazing to be appointed or elected to a position and do your best to fulfill your duty, enacting policies and doing the real work of government. It is inspiring to receive or witness someone receive a title of nobility, honouring long and hard efforts within your beloved country with an appropriate recognition. But that thrill, amazement, and inspiration can quickly fade when one sees that other people are there for the same reasons, and expect you to actually live up to your legislation, office, or title. And when that occurs, the bright flash fades, and we are left in night.
In essence, it comes down to that eternal line the nation walks, treading it with fear and care: country or club?
A club is something where everyone gets to participate as much as they would like, that gives out titles and awards for the fun of it, and can be quit when it ceases to be amusing. It doesn't matter much beyond amusement, and it never will.
A club is a flash in a pan, a series of staccato bright lights. It is loud and then dies.
A country stands for certain ideals and its citizens, building a better future through consistent effort and competition. Policies are enacted not because it's fun to change them, but because they represent a better version that will help the country...
A country is the sun.
One of the greatest issues of our time in Talossa is how to stop flashes in the pan, and bring in the sunlight. How do we ensure and emphasize the immigration of those who will open the windows, rather than those who spark and fade? What must be done to make sure that new citizens recognize that they are in a country, and not a club?
As a legislator and minister, I have tried to do my part. Please, consider what you can do for your part. Keep Talossa in the sun.
-The Right Honourable Alexander Davis
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
Your newspaper sucks, everytime I read it I want to vomit.
-Alexandreu Gavártgic’h
Squirrels Gathering Nuts:
Preparing for a session of courses at the University of Talossa
By Aspra Rosetta Laira
Twelve. The number of dialing keys in any standard digital telephone, the number of signs in the Zodiac, the number of months in most calendar systems, the number of Apostles who followed Jesus, the atomic number of magnesium. The number of citizens who participated in the poll about l’Üniversità Talossan.
As the new chancellor for the University of Talossa and a college instructor, 12 is my favorite number of students to teach. I group them into two, three or four or six groups. A lot of enlightening discussion can come from 12 students. I’m happy that we had that many responses to the l’Üniversità Talossan Interest Poll, a thread within the University of Talossa forum.
The results show that 25% would like to see Talossan language lessons offered, 8.3% would like a class about Talossan politics, 8.3% are for courses in history -- Talossan and otherwise, and an astounding 58.3% would like to see language, politics, literature, and history offered.
“While I believe all should be of equal priority for the University, and all fields would be equally valuable,” said Éovart Caçeir, “I believe Glheþ language lessons should be a majour part of the University's curriculum, as the Talossan language is a most important staple in Talossan culture.”
Owen Edwards wrote, “I think short primers in other subjects - non-specific to Talossa - would be a positive way of broadening the curriculum.”
Dean of Student Affairs, Flip Molinar wants to promote knowledge in a non-threatening environment where teachers “try not to let our world views influence our teaching.”
A lot of work has gone on behind the scenes, and we hope to offer classes by April 1st (no foolin’) if not earlier. The classes will take place within sub-threads of the university forum. Instructors will post the syllabi and give interested citizens a reasonable time-period to enroll (which would be done by simply posting to the class that you want to join).
King John has been selected to teach a six-month course covering hardboiled American Crime Fiction, “Dicks and Dames.” Alexander Davis, who has specialized in Hemmingway, will teach an eight-week course on the subject. Matáiwos Vürinalt of the CÚG has offered his assistance in coordinating with other CÚG members to get a language course going.
I look forward to being a part of the university with the best seal, thanks to S:reu X. Pol Briga, my predessor. Interestingly, if you add the number of sides on the three inner shapes, you get . . . the number 12.
Provincial Constitutions Unshackled
by Roibeard Cresti Laira
The provincial boards on Witt have been abuzz ever since the ratification in the last election of the provincial unshackling amendment to the Talossan organic law. The amendment repealed several requirements imposed on the structure of provincial governments allowing the citizens of each province to decide for themselves.
The province of Cézembre has called a constitutional convention that convened on Groundhog Day, and is scheduled to complete its business by the Ides of March. And it's well that they have since there is currently confusion in their parliament as to the exact procedure for commencing the vote for their premiership.
In the province of Florencia, a landslide victory for the RUMP party led to the election of Lord Hooligan as governor by a quorum of himself. After his inauguration he appointed a constitutional commission to study the Florencian constitution and recommend changes.
In Maricopa, Sir Cresti Siervicul is drafting a draft constitution for discussion, while there was even more procedural confusion as Xhorxh Asmour called for nominations for the premiership according to article XVII.9d of the organic law, which was repealed by the unshackling amendment.
Maritiimi-Maxhestic and Mussolini are furthest along in defining their new constitutions. M-M assigns the lions share of power to their legislative branch. The shocker from Mussolini is a proposed name change for the province to "Benito" to honor Talossa's founder, Little Ben. It remains tobe seen if renaming a province will require approval at the national level as well.
Vuode seems to have taken the most authentic route to a new constitution when John McGarry, their Cunstaval and acting military governor, delegated power to call the convention to the general assembly who promptly elected Sir Trotxa Betingeir Premier of their constitutional convention.
Ataturk seems to be the only province without an active constitutional convention or commission. All eyes will be on the Ataturk board as the political life of Talossa heats up.
The provincial boards on Witt have been abuzz ever since the ratification in the last election of the provincial unshackling amendment to the Talossan organic law. The amendment repealed several requirements imposed on the structure of provincial governments allowing the citizens of each province to decide for themselves.
The province of Cézembre has called a constitutional convention that convened on Groundhog Day, and is scheduled to complete its business by the Ides of March. And it's well that they have since there is currently confusion in their parliament as to the exact procedure for commencing the vote for their premiership.
In the province of Florencia, a landslide victory for the RUMP party led to the election of Lord Hooligan as governor by a quorum of himself. After his inauguration he appointed a constitutional commission to study the Florencian constitution and recommend changes.
In Maricopa, Sir Cresti Siervicul is drafting a draft constitution for discussion, while there was even more procedural confusion as Xhorxh Asmour called for nominations for the premiership according to article XVII.9d of the organic law, which was repealed by the unshackling amendment.
Maritiimi-Maxhestic and Mussolini are furthest along in defining their new constitutions. M-M assigns the lions share of power to their legislative branch. The shocker from Mussolini is a proposed name change for the province to "Benito" to honor Talossa's founder, Little Ben. It remains tobe seen if renaming a province will require approval at the national level as well.
Vuode seems to have taken the most authentic route to a new constitution when John McGarry, their Cunstaval and acting military governor, delegated power to call the convention to the general assembly who promptly elected Sir Trotxa Betingeir Premier of their constitutional convention.
Ataturk seems to be the only province without an active constitutional convention or commission. All eyes will be on the Ataturk board as the political life of Talossa heats up.
Going Ventrutxing, An Interview with Ieremiac'h Ventrutx
By Alexandreu Gavártgic'h
Alexandreu Gavártgic’h: What is your name and where do you hail from?
Ieremiac'h Ventrutx: Ieremiac'h Ventrutx I have no clue what it means, it was bestowed to me so long ago I conveniently forgot it almost immediately. I was reminded by another fine publication in the Talossan world just a short time back.
AG: What is your favorite colour?
Ieremiac'h Ventrutx: Red and Green of course! The colors of Talossa course through my veins. Black is still my all time favorite, followed by puke green and poop brown.
AG: What is the magic word?
IV: For all the free thinkers out there, Jesus. J For the rest of us “family”
AG: How did you first find out about Talossa?
IV: back a long time ago I was recruited by Nathan Freeburg and Mathias Muth. I was active in some online political bulletin boards and discussion groups and had some interest in politics, it was a natural fit
AG: What attracted you to Talossa?
IV: Nation Building. Of all the things that brought me to Talossa was the idea of building our own community both physical and ethereal connections.
AG: We understand that you were originally rejected as a Talossan citizen, how'd that happen?
IV: Well it was all about Ben right? I was brought into Talossa, bought my books, wrote my essay, even attended a Live Cosa and still Ben was afraid of me. I don’t know why but he was sure once I joined Talossa a “horde of young republican’s” would soon follow. After my initial treatment by the King my friends would have nothing to do with Talossa.
AG: How did you finally become a citizen?
IV: Persistence is the key. I kept showing up and doing things with real live Talossans Ben had to admit I wasn’t that bad of a guy. I still didin’t get his vote, but I had the votes of his closest “friends” and even some of his traditional pocket votes so there was little he could do but accept me and make my life within Talossa as hard as possible.
AG: Have you ever met Ben? If so, what was your initial feeling about his personality?
IV: Do you really want to go there eh? Ben has two distinct personalities. The main Talossan Ben was classic ENTP (Extraverted intuitive Thinking Perceiving) and an incredible man (at least that is how idescribed him back in intro to psychology in college). It was the other side of Ben that got the best of him and drove his creation from his grasp. That side of Ben I only got to meet in person one time. It was not something that I look back at with fond memories. In all honesty Ben needed to be on medication, he was quite the character.
AG: How did the ZPT and L'Avîntguard come around?
IV: Well everyone was so sure I was a Right winged republican it drove me to the dark side. The ZPT was the Defenders of Talossa and I ended up there because the basic premise was that Talossa needed to be defended even from herself. With all the pocket Votes of the PC or whatever party Ben dreamed up there had to be some resistance. So the ZPT was where I found a home. L’Avantguard started as a collaborated effort of dedicated Talossans and degraded to a point where I was the only one posting news and cartoons anymore. I do believe Talossa needs an active independent media to keep people advised of what is happening in the Kingdom.
AG: What was the catalyst that caused you to leave the Kingdom? (e.x. The Halloween Crisis)
IV: I had left the Kingdom in spirit long before the actual anti-Ben movement/Republic happened. Ben attacked so long and so hard I was as close as possible to being a pocket vote for the opposition. When enough people got fed up I began working behind the scenes to help form the Republic. The websites, domains etc were all built in preparation for a grasp at removing the King. For me the primary catalyst was Ben.
AG: What was the major factor in your return?
IV: I see only one Talossa and that Talossa is a Kingdom. I left a kingdom full of friends and ended up losing some of that friendship in the process of trying another version of nation building. Still I am a Talossan. The final trigger was in my discussions with a couple of those in the Republic. The idea of One Talossa is great but it wasn’t going to happen from the republic side, there are just not enough people. The only way I could see it happening was to join back to the Kingdom and initiate change from within.
AG: Our sources tell us that your return may actually put-off reunification for another few years, what's your reaction to this accusation?
IV: I am not a set back, I am merely the convenient excuse that some are using for their fear of acting in the best interest of Talossa. I am all for unification of Talossa but I honestly don’t see that happening from the Republic side. They could and may shock me on that. I see more active online folks wanting to be a part of the original Talossa w/o Ben and returning to the Kingdom as the main path of reunification. I think that if the Kingdom –IF THE KINGDOM- wants to promote the repatriation of Talossan citizens, the laws need to be changed to allow them to come home w/o penalty and w/o a great deal of trouble in their citizenship.
AG: What are your plans for the Kingdom in the next few years (are we going to see the ZPT revived)?
IV: Well I want to limit the king even more, whatever it takes to make the role of royalty a mere formality and not a political force is me first goal. Along those lines I want to help the Kingdom get a new website and online support structure, recruiting tools and promotion for the Kingdom. As for the ZPT, I joined a little late for registering and voting for my own party, I will work with others to the next election cycle we will have to see how that works out. Would I love to see it reform and change the landscape of Talossan politics, absolutely.
For the Cort’s Ruling on S:reu Ventrutx’s Talossan Citizenship Click Here
For S:reu Ventrutx’s “Why Talossa Didn’t Mean That Much To Me” Essay Click Here
Alexandreu Gavártgic’h: What is your name and where do you hail from?
Ieremiac'h Ventrutx: Ieremiac'h Ventrutx I have no clue what it means, it was bestowed to me so long ago I conveniently forgot it almost immediately. I was reminded by another fine publication in the Talossan world just a short time back.
AG: What is your favorite colour?
Ieremiac'h Ventrutx: Red and Green of course! The colors of Talossa course through my veins. Black is still my all time favorite, followed by puke green and poop brown.
AG: What is the magic word?
IV: For all the free thinkers out there, Jesus. J For the rest of us “family”
AG: How did you first find out about Talossa?
IV: back a long time ago I was recruited by Nathan Freeburg and Mathias Muth. I was active in some online political bulletin boards and discussion groups and had some interest in politics, it was a natural fit
AG: What attracted you to Talossa?
IV: Nation Building. Of all the things that brought me to Talossa was the idea of building our own community both physical and ethereal connections.
AG: We understand that you were originally rejected as a Talossan citizen, how'd that happen?
IV: Well it was all about Ben right? I was brought into Talossa, bought my books, wrote my essay, even attended a Live Cosa and still Ben was afraid of me. I don’t know why but he was sure once I joined Talossa a “horde of young republican’s” would soon follow. After my initial treatment by the King my friends would have nothing to do with Talossa.
AG: How did you finally become a citizen?
IV: Persistence is the key. I kept showing up and doing things with real live Talossans Ben had to admit I wasn’t that bad of a guy. I still didin’t get his vote, but I had the votes of his closest “friends” and even some of his traditional pocket votes so there was little he could do but accept me and make my life within Talossa as hard as possible.
AG: Have you ever met Ben? If so, what was your initial feeling about his personality?
IV: Do you really want to go there eh? Ben has two distinct personalities. The main Talossan Ben was classic ENTP (Extraverted intuitive Thinking Perceiving) and an incredible man (at least that is how idescribed him back in intro to psychology in college). It was the other side of Ben that got the best of him and drove his creation from his grasp. That side of Ben I only got to meet in person one time. It was not something that I look back at with fond memories. In all honesty Ben needed to be on medication, he was quite the character.
AG: How did the ZPT and L'Avîntguard come around?
IV: Well everyone was so sure I was a Right winged republican it drove me to the dark side. The ZPT was the Defenders of Talossa and I ended up there because the basic premise was that Talossa needed to be defended even from herself. With all the pocket Votes of the PC or whatever party Ben dreamed up there had to be some resistance. So the ZPT was where I found a home. L’Avantguard started as a collaborated effort of dedicated Talossans and degraded to a point where I was the only one posting news and cartoons anymore. I do believe Talossa needs an active independent media to keep people advised of what is happening in the Kingdom.
AG: What was the catalyst that caused you to leave the Kingdom? (e.x. The Halloween Crisis)
IV: I had left the Kingdom in spirit long before the actual anti-Ben movement/Republic happened. Ben attacked so long and so hard I was as close as possible to being a pocket vote for the opposition. When enough people got fed up I began working behind the scenes to help form the Republic. The websites, domains etc were all built in preparation for a grasp at removing the King. For me the primary catalyst was Ben.
AG: What was the major factor in your return?
IV: I see only one Talossa and that Talossa is a Kingdom. I left a kingdom full of friends and ended up losing some of that friendship in the process of trying another version of nation building. Still I am a Talossan. The final trigger was in my discussions with a couple of those in the Republic. The idea of One Talossa is great but it wasn’t going to happen from the republic side, there are just not enough people. The only way I could see it happening was to join back to the Kingdom and initiate change from within.
AG: Our sources tell us that your return may actually put-off reunification for another few years, what's your reaction to this accusation?
IV: I am not a set back, I am merely the convenient excuse that some are using for their fear of acting in the best interest of Talossa. I am all for unification of Talossa but I honestly don’t see that happening from the Republic side. They could and may shock me on that. I see more active online folks wanting to be a part of the original Talossa w/o Ben and returning to the Kingdom as the main path of reunification. I think that if the Kingdom –IF THE KINGDOM- wants to promote the repatriation of Talossan citizens, the laws need to be changed to allow them to come home w/o penalty and w/o a great deal of trouble in their citizenship.
AG: What are your plans for the Kingdom in the next few years (are we going to see the ZPT revived)?
IV: Well I want to limit the king even more, whatever it takes to make the role of royalty a mere formality and not a political force is me first goal. Along those lines I want to help the Kingdom get a new website and online support structure, recruiting tools and promotion for the Kingdom. As for the ZPT, I joined a little late for registering and voting for my own party, I will work with others to the next election cycle we will have to see how that works out. Would I love to see it reform and change the landscape of Talossan politics, absolutely.
For the Cort’s Ruling on S:reu Ventrutx’s Talossan Citizenship Click Here
For S:reu Ventrutx’s “Why Talossa Didn’t Mean That Much To Me” Essay Click Here
Monthly Editorial
By Alexandreu Gavártgic'h
Often have I thought to myself, as I compile the Talossan Voice, “Why am I doing this?” My contribution gives nothing back to society, sure it’s fun, but last time I checked, I was a huge procrastinator (I am writing this editorial the day of the deadline): never wanting to do work of any kind. Then it hit me. Talossa is wonderful because, unlike school or your job, where it is mandatory to do work, you have a choice. Here you can use your creative energy in any form you desire. Writing, drawing, archiving, etc. It’s all here. Here, people are glad to do work because they enjoy it! Because they don’t have to do it, but they would gladly anyway, just to see the finished result.
Talossa is an interesting place full of interesting people. Talossa (and the modern miracle of Skype) allow me to speak with people in Brazil, Sweden, Colorado, Texas, Illinois, and even strangers here in New York City with complete ease. It’s almost as if we’ve been life-long friends, and are just having a regular chat. I can hear Xhorxh’s deep, pleasant laugh. I can enjoy GV’s endless knowledge of the in’s and out’s of Talossa, I can commiserate with Ian Anglatzara about how conservative people are. I can converse with Flip about LRT policy. It’s simply wonderful. I encourage, no, demand, that all of you get on the phones and join me.
But, above all, I think Talossa has definitely made me a better person and, perhaps, a better Liberal. When I joined Talossa, at first, I felt extremely out of place. As many of you know, I live in Brooklyn, NY, and well… pretty much everyone here is at least moderate. Sure, there are some conservatives, but they are a very small minority. I’d never been in a place where no one was there to back me up on a lot of my very liberal ideas. Now, enter Talossa, a nation filled with conservatives. I must admit, it was quite scary for me. I just couldn’t understand how people could possibly not believe the same thing I did, and that, they were definitely horrible people if they didn’t. However, after a few months of Talossa, I now realize that not all Conservatives are horrible people. Not all conservatives are Ann Coulter-backing, Don Imus types of people. They are, for the most part, genuinely nice people, and, although I still definitely disagree with them about politics, and I still feel I am in the right. I have come to understand their beliefs and respect them in a much more mature way than I had been before.
Often have I thought to myself, as I compile the Talossan Voice, “Why am I doing this?” My contribution gives nothing back to society, sure it’s fun, but last time I checked, I was a huge procrastinator (I am writing this editorial the day of the deadline): never wanting to do work of any kind. Then it hit me. Talossa is wonderful because, unlike school or your job, where it is mandatory to do work, you have a choice. Here you can use your creative energy in any form you desire. Writing, drawing, archiving, etc. It’s all here. Here, people are glad to do work because they enjoy it! Because they don’t have to do it, but they would gladly anyway, just to see the finished result.
Talossa is an interesting place full of interesting people. Talossa (and the modern miracle of Skype) allow me to speak with people in Brazil, Sweden, Colorado, Texas, Illinois, and even strangers here in New York City with complete ease. It’s almost as if we’ve been life-long friends, and are just having a regular chat. I can hear Xhorxh’s deep, pleasant laugh. I can enjoy GV’s endless knowledge of the in’s and out’s of Talossa, I can commiserate with Ian Anglatzara about how conservative people are. I can converse with Flip about LRT policy. It’s simply wonderful. I encourage, no, demand, that all of you get on the phones and join me.
But, above all, I think Talossa has definitely made me a better person and, perhaps, a better Liberal. When I joined Talossa, at first, I felt extremely out of place. As many of you know, I live in Brooklyn, NY, and well… pretty much everyone here is at least moderate. Sure, there are some conservatives, but they are a very small minority. I’d never been in a place where no one was there to back me up on a lot of my very liberal ideas. Now, enter Talossa, a nation filled with conservatives. I must admit, it was quite scary for me. I just couldn’t understand how people could possibly not believe the same thing I did, and that, they were definitely horrible people if they didn’t. However, after a few months of Talossa, I now realize that not all Conservatives are horrible people. Not all conservatives are Ann Coulter-backing, Don Imus types of people. They are, for the most part, genuinely nice people, and, although I still definitely disagree with them about politics, and I still feel I am in the right. I have come to understand their beliefs and respect them in a much more mature way than I had been before.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Move over beer, here comes Brawndo
What’s flourescent green, packs a potent caffeine-taurine punch, and has the electrolytes that plants crave? Brawndo, the thirst mutilator! Mike Judge fans will recognise that as the name of a fictional sports drink from the movie Idiocracy. But Brawndo is no longer just a thing of fiction.
Idiocracy is a comedy about a U.S. soldier, determined by the Army to be average in every way, who is put into suspended animation and forgotten. He wakes up 500 years later to find himself the most intelligent man on Earth, due to centuries of overreproduction by the least fit. The moronic anti-intellectuals of the future use Brawndo for everything, including watering their crops – which explains why they are experiencing global food shortages.
Enter Pete Hottelet, who happens to have been a Talossan citizen since 1997. After seeing Idiocracy a little over year ago, he decided that Brawndo had to exist in the real world. His U.S. company, Omni Consumer Products Corporation, worked with Fox (the movie studio behind Idiocracy) and Redux Beverages to arrange for the licensing, design, production, and marketing of Brawndo as an actual lemon-lime flavoured energy drink. Its yellow 16-ounce can is packed with caffeine (200 milligrams!), taurine, guarana, and, of course, electrolytes.
Brawndo debuted online on 30 November 2007, and its initial production run of 10,000 cases is nearly sold out. It has been covered by publications like the Toronto Star, SF Weekly, Wired, Maxim, and The Onion. Hottelet is hopeful that Brawndo will be able to stand out in the crowded energy drink market – with the help, no doubt, of Idiocracy’s cult following. As he puts it, “Brawndo is about having fun and enjoying yourself, without limitation – except for physics and law enforcement.”
For more information:
http://www.brawndo.com/
Official website
http://www.omniconsumerproductscorporation.com/
Omni Consumer Products
http://www.drinkredux.com/
Redux Beverages
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Idiocracy
Idiocracy on Wikipedia
Idiocracy is a comedy about a U.S. soldier, determined by the Army to be average in every way, who is put into suspended animation and forgotten. He wakes up 500 years later to find himself the most intelligent man on Earth, due to centuries of overreproduction by the least fit. The moronic anti-intellectuals of the future use Brawndo for everything, including watering their crops – which explains why they are experiencing global food shortages.
Enter Pete Hottelet, who happens to have been a Talossan citizen since 1997. After seeing Idiocracy a little over year ago, he decided that Brawndo had to exist in the real world. His U.S. company, Omni Consumer Products Corporation, worked with Fox (the movie studio behind Idiocracy) and Redux Beverages to arrange for the licensing, design, production, and marketing of Brawndo as an actual lemon-lime flavoured energy drink. Its yellow 16-ounce can is packed with caffeine (200 milligrams!), taurine, guarana, and, of course, electrolytes.
Brawndo debuted online on 30 November 2007, and its initial production run of 10,000 cases is nearly sold out. It has been covered by publications like the Toronto Star, SF Weekly, Wired, Maxim, and The Onion. Hottelet is hopeful that Brawndo will be able to stand out in the crowded energy drink market – with the help, no doubt, of Idiocracy’s cult following. As he puts it, “Brawndo is about having fun and enjoying yourself, without limitation – except for physics and law enforcement.”
For more information:
http://www.brawndo.com/
Official website
http://www.omniconsumerproductscorporation.com/
Omni Consumer Products
http://www.drinkredux.com/
Redux Beverages
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Idiocracy
Idiocracy on Wikipedia
Six Degrees of Alexandreu Gavártgic'h
Every issue we take two random object (that may in the future be voted on by our readers) and our editor, Alexandreu Gavártgic’h tries to connect them using the theory of six degrees of seperation.
This week we have… Berbers and Barbers
1. The Berbers are the indigenous people of North Africa west of the Nile Valley. Their populations are highest in Morocco, Algeria, and Tunisia. They speak Arabic and a variety of Berber Languages.
2. The most prevalent Berber Language is Tamazight. This language has been extremely well documented by French Berberologist, Arsène Roux who has been a major driving force in not allowing these languages to become extinct
3. Arsène Roux was born in Rouchegude and emigrated to Morocco in his early twenties where he studied Classical Arabic, Moroccan Arabic, and the Moroccan Berber languages. While in Morocco he collected and studied many Berber language text which he later published in Rabat for use in Berber language courses.
4. Rabat is the capital of the Kingdom of Morocco which at one point under Almohad rule took over Spain and specifically left it’s mark on Seville, a city in south-west Spain.
5. Seville is known for its gastronomic beauty, as well as its extravagant festivals and holidays both of which feature music and dancing. It was this musical tradition that allowed Rossini to write his famous opera buffa, the Barber of Seville
6. A barber is one who cuts and styles hair. The plural of this is Barbers.
This week we have… Berbers and Barbers
1. The Berbers are the indigenous people of North Africa west of the Nile Valley. Their populations are highest in Morocco, Algeria, and Tunisia. They speak Arabic and a variety of Berber Languages.
2. The most prevalent Berber Language is Tamazight. This language has been extremely well documented by French Berberologist, Arsène Roux who has been a major driving force in not allowing these languages to become extinct
3. Arsène Roux was born in Rouchegude and emigrated to Morocco in his early twenties where he studied Classical Arabic, Moroccan Arabic, and the Moroccan Berber languages. While in Morocco he collected and studied many Berber language text which he later published in Rabat for use in Berber language courses.
4. Rabat is the capital of the Kingdom of Morocco which at one point under Almohad rule took over Spain and specifically left it’s mark on Seville, a city in south-west Spain.
5. Seville is known for its gastronomic beauty, as well as its extravagant festivals and holidays both of which feature music and dancing. It was this musical tradition that allowed Rossini to write his famous opera buffa, the Barber of Seville
6. A barber is one who cuts and styles hair. The plural of this is Barbers.
Letters to the Editor
I was asked to write a short editorial listing the policies and goals of my party, the RUMP. That was Dreu's first mistake -- I very rarely succeed in writing anything short. See, I've already spent three sentences and said absolutely nothing. He said 100-300 words, and I'm now through a whole bunch of them and have gotten nowhere, and haven't even touched on the topic I am supposed to be writing about (other than mentioning it, now twice). So, with what little words I have left myself, let me just say that the RUMP stands for keeping Talossa rockin'. We changed our name (as is our wont) so that it is obvious to everyone that the revitalisation of the Kingdom, especially through a commitment to our culture, and to a resurgence of Cestourhood, are our big goals. Other than that, which we have always stood for, we also stand for, well, more of the same. We of the RUMP have put in motion many of the grand plans we had for our Kingdom, such as postage and currency, provincial activity resurrection, and strong and continued growth through immigration of dedicated interested Talossans from all over the world. Okay, that has to be more words than I was asked for.
The Most Honourable Ma la Mha, Baron Tepistà (Hooligan
_________________________________________________
Recently, a new statute, "The Schiva Doctrine on Pan-Talossan Affairs Act" was proposed within the Republic of Talossa. Authored by Minister of Immigration Miestrâ Schivâ, this act would be a huge step for relations between Talossa and the Republic. The questions is:will it be a step forward, or a step backward?
This doctrine is certainly a broad one. In a few paragraphs, it declares that neither Talossa nor the Republic are a continuation of the one founded by King Robert I, but rather that both are "legitimate successor states," before continuing on to state the meat of the doctrine: " a non-negotiable precondition that any discussion of political unification of Talossa must take place in the framework of discussing a wholly new constitution and legal framework which would supersede and extinguish both the current Kingdom and Republic of Talossa." The doctrine goes on to suggest a manner in which this discussion could be conducted, and vows friendship regardless on behalf of the Republic, but the true substance is in the abovesentence. This doctrine, when it is passed (as it appears it almost certainly will be, since it faces little or no opposition) will have legally binding force within Republic law upon the representatives of that body.
For some time, there has been occasional quaking by one person or another within Talossa for reunion. In fact, most Talossans favor the return of the Republicans. The only difference is the manner in which they desire that return. Some are willing to make amendments to the OrgLaw or similar concessions to the interests of the Republicans, while others believe no special treatment should be accorded to them. I am of the personal belief that we must admit that they had just cause for departure (as illustrated in this month's Oracla), and we should accordingly make allowances for an easier readmission to the country in the interests of all involved. At the same time, we are a country of laws and a proud nation, and we should not abandon either our laws or our pride.
From this perspective, then, the Schivâ doctrine is a very good thing. It will eliminate the half-measures being proposed by either side in their desire for reunion. I am confident that Talossa will not abandon the OrgLaw or the monarch, to be chips on a bargaining table in a scrabble for some unworkable mixture of elements. Instead, we will be locked into the status quo. Talossa is thriving and walking forward into the future with a hearty gait, and the doctrine will ensure that one continuous state, the Kingdom of Talossa, unbroken from 1979 until now, will be the tread we walk.
One tangent to this should come with some of the rhetoric seen surrounding this discussion in the Republic. On occasion, reference has been made to "surrender" should a Republican return to Talossa. Attempts have come about to characterize such reunions as "defeats," in fact. I for one feel that the exact opposite is true. The departure of the Republicans is one of the most prominent factors leading to the departure of King Robert I. Their efforts and speeches paved the way for the later victory of the CLP, which used the laws of the land to settle a heavy slab of defeat down upon the tyrant in laying a road to primacy. It took only a short time before the way was made.
It is time for our brave soldiers for the future, those Republicans who left their homeland in the name of freedom, to return to the country. They deserve and should receive the welcome of heroes, as they bear tradition and history with them. Some regrettable actions
took place, but now is the time of reunion. And the doctrine will make sure that the half-measures and vacillation so often engaged in will no longer take place. By trying to throw a bar over the door, it will instead throw it open. And I say: "Welcome! Welcome!"
The Right Honourable Alexander Davis
_________________________________________________
In the most recent election, the Viensità Ciumisâ Cézembre or CRO: The Cézembre Reunification Organization have proved beyond a resonable doubt that if a group does not put out a bunch of sometimes annoying advertisements, there will not be a surge in party interest. While the experiment with a hands off technique has resulted in fewer seats in the current legislative body, it has in turn made the caucus easy to manage.
X. Pol Briga
_________________________________________________
So, our election season is over. There’s been some mild unpleasantness, some surprise results (and some not so surprising), and a repeated winding up of Alexander Davis - I am sure everyone has something they can be pleased about.
The major fallout from the election is a simple majority for the RUMP, meaning a potentially one-sided Ziu in the upcoming term. Such a resounding re-election may well be taken as a mandate for “conservative” policies (as we Talossans classify these things) - though I suspect it is rather its proven dedication to the country, as opposed to the newer advent of much of the opposition.
Indeed, the most vital task facing the opposition parties - most especially the LRT, as the largest party other than the RUMP - is to build a record of political competency so as to pose a very serious challenge to the RUMP next time round.
The other item of serious interest this election involved our present system of an open ballot. This allowed us to watch certain very surprising votes as they came in: Seneschal de Winter voting for the DPD (dissatisfaction with both the RUMP and LRT, whether due to their policies or their behaviour in the run-up the election), and the Conta and Sir Fritz voting for the LRT. These votes, all from established Talossans, for new parties consisting of callow faces, have ensured that provincial government was certainly not a complete RUMP landslide.
Paralleling these results was the publication of the latest Oracla, charting the Secession crisis and looking at those Old Growth Talossans remaining in the Kingdom. Its discussion of party strangleholds and the idea of default voters certainly rings true today.
There, one also saw the roots of the DOTT’s party statement: “Our history is clear: We embrace a King who wins our hearts and minds, but force a King on us, and we rebel. The option to elevate someone who's earned the throne—that's all we want. Blood isn't enough: character and accomplishment should count for something! Defend the throne!”
One cannot help but draw parallels. If the RUMP is called to act in its role of superpower with its customary responsibility and sense of duty, in curious parallel to the actions of Ben Madison and his power bloc, then, equally, the LRT has had firmly thrust upon it, ideologically as well as literally, that most obtuse of titles: His Majesty’s Loyal Opposition.
Owen Edwards
_________________________________________________
I, Tony Weckström, the Royal Ambassador to the Republic of Finland, and founder of the DPD would welcome all Talossans, new and old, to join the DPD for a brighter future for Talossa.
The DPD's political views can be read at the appropriate website.
http://kingdomoftalossa.net/index.cgi?lingo=&page=Parties
Kind regards,
Tony Weckström
The Most Honourable Ma la Mha, Baron Tepistà (Hooligan
_________________________________________________
Recently, a new statute, "The Schiva Doctrine on Pan-Talossan Affairs Act" was proposed within the Republic of Talossa. Authored by Minister of Immigration Miestrâ Schivâ, this act would be a huge step for relations between Talossa and the Republic. The questions is:will it be a step forward, or a step backward?
This doctrine is certainly a broad one. In a few paragraphs, it declares that neither Talossa nor the Republic are a continuation of the one founded by King Robert I, but rather that both are "legitimate successor states," before continuing on to state the meat of the doctrine: " a non-negotiable precondition that any discussion of political unification of Talossa must take place in the framework of discussing a wholly new constitution and legal framework which would supersede and extinguish both the current Kingdom and Republic of Talossa." The doctrine goes on to suggest a manner in which this discussion could be conducted, and vows friendship regardless on behalf of the Republic, but the true substance is in the abovesentence. This doctrine, when it is passed (as it appears it almost certainly will be, since it faces little or no opposition) will have legally binding force within Republic law upon the representatives of that body.
For some time, there has been occasional quaking by one person or another within Talossa for reunion. In fact, most Talossans favor the return of the Republicans. The only difference is the manner in which they desire that return. Some are willing to make amendments to the OrgLaw or similar concessions to the interests of the Republicans, while others believe no special treatment should be accorded to them. I am of the personal belief that we must admit that they had just cause for departure (as illustrated in this month's Oracla), and we should accordingly make allowances for an easier readmission to the country in the interests of all involved. At the same time, we are a country of laws and a proud nation, and we should not abandon either our laws or our pride.
From this perspective, then, the Schivâ doctrine is a very good thing. It will eliminate the half-measures being proposed by either side in their desire for reunion. I am confident that Talossa will not abandon the OrgLaw or the monarch, to be chips on a bargaining table in a scrabble for some unworkable mixture of elements. Instead, we will be locked into the status quo. Talossa is thriving and walking forward into the future with a hearty gait, and the doctrine will ensure that one continuous state, the Kingdom of Talossa, unbroken from 1979 until now, will be the tread we walk.
One tangent to this should come with some of the rhetoric seen surrounding this discussion in the Republic. On occasion, reference has been made to "surrender" should a Republican return to Talossa. Attempts have come about to characterize such reunions as "defeats," in fact. I for one feel that the exact opposite is true. The departure of the Republicans is one of the most prominent factors leading to the departure of King Robert I. Their efforts and speeches paved the way for the later victory of the CLP, which used the laws of the land to settle a heavy slab of defeat down upon the tyrant in laying a road to primacy. It took only a short time before the way was made.
It is time for our brave soldiers for the future, those Republicans who left their homeland in the name of freedom, to return to the country. They deserve and should receive the welcome of heroes, as they bear tradition and history with them. Some regrettable actions
took place, but now is the time of reunion. And the doctrine will make sure that the half-measures and vacillation so often engaged in will no longer take place. By trying to throw a bar over the door, it will instead throw it open. And I say: "Welcome! Welcome!"
The Right Honourable Alexander Davis
_________________________________________________
In the most recent election, the Viensità Ciumisâ Cézembre or CRO: The Cézembre Reunification Organization have proved beyond a resonable doubt that if a group does not put out a bunch of sometimes annoying advertisements, there will not be a surge in party interest. While the experiment with a hands off technique has resulted in fewer seats in the current legislative body, it has in turn made the caucus easy to manage.
X. Pol Briga
_________________________________________________
So, our election season is over. There’s been some mild unpleasantness, some surprise results (and some not so surprising), and a repeated winding up of Alexander Davis - I am sure everyone has something they can be pleased about.
The major fallout from the election is a simple majority for the RUMP, meaning a potentially one-sided Ziu in the upcoming term. Such a resounding re-election may well be taken as a mandate for “conservative” policies (as we Talossans classify these things) - though I suspect it is rather its proven dedication to the country, as opposed to the newer advent of much of the opposition.
Indeed, the most vital task facing the opposition parties - most especially the LRT, as the largest party other than the RUMP - is to build a record of political competency so as to pose a very serious challenge to the RUMP next time round.
The other item of serious interest this election involved our present system of an open ballot. This allowed us to watch certain very surprising votes as they came in: Seneschal de Winter voting for the DPD (dissatisfaction with both the RUMP and LRT, whether due to their policies or their behaviour in the run-up the election), and the Conta and Sir Fritz voting for the LRT. These votes, all from established Talossans, for new parties consisting of callow faces, have ensured that provincial government was certainly not a complete RUMP landslide.
Paralleling these results was the publication of the latest Oracla, charting the Secession crisis and looking at those Old Growth Talossans remaining in the Kingdom. Its discussion of party strangleholds and the idea of default voters certainly rings true today.
There, one also saw the roots of the DOTT’s party statement: “Our history is clear: We embrace a King who wins our hearts and minds, but force a King on us, and we rebel. The option to elevate someone who's earned the throne—that's all we want. Blood isn't enough: character and accomplishment should count for something! Defend the throne!”
One cannot help but draw parallels. If the RUMP is called to act in its role of superpower with its customary responsibility and sense of duty, in curious parallel to the actions of Ben Madison and his power bloc, then, equally, the LRT has had firmly thrust upon it, ideologically as well as literally, that most obtuse of titles: His Majesty’s Loyal Opposition.
Owen Edwards
_________________________________________________
I, Tony Weckström, the Royal Ambassador to the Republic of Finland, and founder of the DPD would welcome all Talossans, new and old, to join the DPD for a brighter future for Talossa.
The DPD's political views can be read at the appropriate website.
http://kingdomoftalossa.net/index.cgi?lingo=&page=Parties
Kind regards,
Tony Weckström
A Rant
Some of you guys might say, “hey, the editor definitely has the easiest job, all he has to do is read the stuff.” So not true. The biggest reason that we haven’t had an issue for about a month is because some people didn’t turn in there things on time and we had to keep postponing and postponing the issue. Even as I write this sorry excuse to fill up this third issue more I am awaiting almost all of my articles (congrats to Lord Hooligan for being the first to return their stuff). Basically, people are lazy and busy. I can only hope the latter is truer than the former. Being editor is hard so um… could my reporters cut me a little slack and turn in their things on time? Thanks. Anyway, this is a pretty exciting issue, we have a guest writer, Alexander Davis, and the introduction of the new series, “Six Degrees of Alexandreu Gavártgic’h” which is in no way connected to the magazine, Mental Floss’s (which no one’s ever heard of, but is a great magazine anyway) “Six Degres of Ken Jennings,” as well as two editorials, one by Owen Edwards, and one by Lord Hooligan, showing opposite points of view. For the next issue, my goal is to get all the writers get their stuff in on time, to continue the Six Degrees series, to see someone actually finish this crossword I’ve made, and perhaps to add a humour/satire section of newspaper.
Happy Reading!
Alexandreu Gavártgic’h
Editor-in-Chief
Happy Reading!
Alexandreu Gavártgic’h
Editor-in-Chief
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